1: Hello? 2: Helloo yes? 1: Hello yes, I was looking for some prices on your tools player. 2: On your what sorry? 1: Dult? 2: What is that? 1: Ehhhh, Is aaaa-dult player. I spell for you? 2: Yes go ahead. 1: It’s a D [2: yeah]-V-[2: yeah] D 2: DVD player, gimme a second now. 1: Dooved player. 1: Hello Yes I was looking for some prices on your Dooved player. 2: A Dooved player? 1: Yes. 2: DVD player is it? D-V-D? 1: Dooved player. 2: Yeah, DVD player. 1: No itsa a dooved player? 2: Oh OK. Our entry level starts at 59.99. 1: ok I was wondering if you have a manufacturer is a Joov-k? 2: Our manufacturer be Sony. 1: Do you have any Joov-k? 2: I don’t, Sony or Panasonic. 1: OK, you have any player that play on the puck. 2: I, I cant understand ya now. Just being honest with ya. I don’t know what a puck is. 1: I spell for you? 2: Yeah. 1: It’s a P-C. 2: PC? 1: Puck! 2: Eh, uh, on a PC? 1: Yes for Windows Expluh. 2: So you want the external on a CD drive, or DVD drive. 79.95. 1: For puck? 2: And can, Its for a PC ok. I don’t know whether your taking, having a joke or what. PC, Personal computer is not pronounced “Puck”. OK, if it’s a pc your looking for well then I can help ya out. But if not I am gonna hang up. Is it a PC? Personal computer is that right? 1: Yes, Puck. 2: OK OK I’ll talk to ya later thanks bye.

Yeah Mikey, its Frank. I took care of business with that prick, its done. Now I need you to meet me tonight behind the old pool hall, we gotta clean things up. So I'll see ya there, tonight.

Hey its me, listen I can't understand what this is? I don't know am I puttin' this on right? I don't know I'm following the instructions you put in, in the paper when you sent it…but I don't understand I don't think I have all these little pleasures all together there. I don't know there's somethin' around my…wait hold on let me reach back here. Uh, I don't know am I supposed to look like cat woman or am like…you know without, without the parts…you know, the, the cover for the boobs and the, and the crotch parts. I don't know am I…I'm just not puttin' this on right. Alright gimme a call cause I appreciate you sendin' me this, you know help my marriage and all, but I, darlin' I don't, I don't think I'm puttin' this on right. So, so c'mon, gimme a call. My, my man will be home in about an hour and a half. So you better call me back…alright…or I'll just keep tryin'… alright bye!

Give me you have fucking something as they must Park and don't hang up I can't I make it and if you can tonight Dude I understand me I … please first let just now what the fuck up on the market Kick your fucking ass what are you doing 1 what now … good at that I like the fact around what the fuck is voice sorry been difficult you're on fucking believe why don't you fucking understand I'll fucking serious to Box segment your them at your shop you give me a call me we're fucking on this too I you professional or not … give me a call sooner … somebody talk to Monica fucking Celeste hi Mark it's Matthew I'm bringing 1 fucking jacket I want you nice and I think you be to the Mark in Kick your fucking ass you're a nice Guy you're a nice Guy but I don't fucking funny when you were getting in fucking around like this talk hi call me when you have a fucking not read half the fucking that to walking in.

Hey it's me. You're so fuckin' hot. Betsy is like all of a sudden not into it. But as soon as we get together, I want to fuckin' suck your pussy, talk dirty to you, watch you and Betsy eat each other, suck my cock, beat off onto your face, get another women out, hire a hooker. Let's get crazy, get some coke. So if you get this message, if you agree with this, just look at me and say "yes."

…you got me fucked up D, I don't give a fuck that you a mothafuckin' flip hoe! Its yo' mothafuckin' fault you a flip bitch! Ain't nobody tell you to go and fuck somebody else's nigga you a hoe ass bitch. And the only reason why I am callin' yo' hoe ass, is cause yo' hoe ass got the fuckin' nigga's number. You got Angel's fuckin' nigga number. You a hoe ass bitch. You just proved yourself a mothafuckin' self a hoe just hangin' up. You ol' funky ass bitch. You better hope I don't catch yo' ass on the street neither bitch! And I want you to send somebody to where I'm at too bitch. I'm gonna beat you, and yo' mothafuckin' homegirls ass and anybody else you bring too bitch!…Now what you ol' stupid ass hoe yeah I called you a flip bitch! You a flip bitch, I'm a turn, I'm a turn all 818s on your ass to flip yo' hoe ass bitch. Fuck, you got me fucked up, no bitch don't fuck me nigga, fuck you hoe! Fuck you bitch with a mothafuckin' long dick down your throat hoe. Tramp ass bitch I'm gonna catch yo' ass slippin' don't even trip.

Hello this is Philip Kaplan and…I like my wikipedia page and it shows…I'd rather be masturbating.

You have no idea. What the FUCK do you hope to accomplish with that. If you do that. It's over. FUCK YOU. How dare you act like a BITCH when I've been so FUCKING nice. I've been nothing but nice to you. What did I do. And you said earlier today and by the way you owe. What the FUCK did you mean. I let you sleep. That's my mistake. I SHOULD HAVE WOKEN YOU UP AND SAID FUCKING BLOW ME BITCH. I just waited and waited until I fell asleep. YOU WENT TO SLEEP AND DIDN'T BLOW ME. I DESERVED TO BE BLOWN FIRST BEFORE THE FUCKING JACUZZI. You could BLOW THE HOUSE UP BUT BLOW ME FIRST. HOW DARE YOU. YOU WANT THE NUMBER OF MY THERAPIST. DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK TO HIM. YOU NEED A THERAPIST OF YOUR OWN. And you know you're doing this and you're a liar. I JUST WANT MY DAUGHTER AND A MAID. They make your GODDAMN BED WHICH YOU DID NOT. I just need a nice woman to look after my beautiful daughter and I get to fuck her. YOU ARE A PAIN IN MY ASS. Stop being that. You are a pain in my ass. Nothing but…

Hi, So I was at TechCrunch Disrupt today and and I'm paralyzed because I went into the bathroom and trying to be quiet because he's right behind me, but Michael Arrington took a shit, that was the smelliest fucking thing I;ve ever smelled in my life. I don't know what this guy had for lunch. He went and must have had 5 hamburgers, or a fuckin' fish, smelly fuckin' fish sandwich, and ya know I don't know what the hell what this motherfucker thinks he's doin' coming in, he's fucking used a disgusting amount of toilet paper, the water is, over flowing, its gross, I dont know what is going. Anyways, what is this audio shit, this shit is weird too.

I just want you to know that I think you're so disgusting and desperate. Who leaves their email address on their machine? You clearly want people to call you, but yet you won't call me back when you just know some crazy shit is going on right now. You know I need to talk to you. It's just, you make yourself look so suspicious by not returning my calls. It's just, I really, honestly, I have no idea who you think you are or what you think that you're up to or what you think you're doing. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. And actually, you know what, don't call me back. Don't ever call me back. I never want to talk to you ever ever again. I think you're honestly a sick human being and I think you are just so desperate that you'll do anything for fucking attention. And you're just so disgusting. Honestly, I cannot even give you anymore of my attention because I just think that, I mean, you are just sick. There's no other words for it. So I think that, don't ever call me back, ever again. I'm definitely just going to have my attorneys contact you and we'll deal with it that way. So lose my fucking number and never call me ever again, you fucking, disgusting, desperate [screams] I hate you!